My Conversation with William Shakespeare


First of all I must inform everyone who is willing to read this that my basic purpose is only to propound humour and one of my personal theory about the death of Christopher Marlowe. Please don’t be offended by anything that I say against Shakespeare.

Moreover, I am not an expert in ancient language as it is not my mistake that I was born 21 years ago, still I have tried my best to make my imaginary Shakespeare as real as possible. Lets get started then:

As I entered the chamber of my imagination I saw to a man clad in old fashion clothes. It was Williams Shakespeare, from there our conversation started:

Shakespeare: You come most carefully upon your hour, mighty lad. I think I heard that thou you are the lad who hailed me upon his imagination to clung attention of readers for likes and follows on WordPress.

Me: Yep that’s me

Shakespeare: “Yep” what is this staggering miraculous word of the future I predict…I plead you to unfold such intimate word of future.

Me: Oh in the future we have very amazing words, like one of the famous word is LOL, LOLZx and there is a word dude, you rock, moron and many others…but I am not here to talk about the future sir…I am here to talk about you.

Shakespeare: Hence, lad thou do pursue with thy communication, but I am startled by the vocabulary of thy future. “Yep”, what an alternative yes for every moment that we concur to a statement. “Yep”, what a yob that is in its sound. “Yep”, what a –“

Me: SIR, its just a “yep” stop yapping too much about just a yep.

Shakespeare: Oh my apologies, to you mighty lad. What is yapping by the way?

Me: Never mind, please sit down. So I am here to talk about you. I mean I want to know who is, William Shakespeare?

Shakespeare: Son of Johan Shakespeare.

Me:Who is Johan Shakespeare?

Shakespeare: Son of Richard Shakespeare?

Me: Now who is Richard Shakespeare?

Shakespeare: Citizen of Stratford-upon-Avon.

Me: Who is a citizen of Stratford-upon-Avon?

Shakespeare: William Shakespeare is a citizen of Stratford-upon-Avon.

Me: Who is William Shakespeare? OK lets just not start it all over again…hmm…please tell my readers about your father a bit.

Shakespeare: Well, lad my father was a benevolent character, a nice man indeed. Sure he was a selfish business man, but a nice man indeed. Sure he coned me to abandon my school to employ me in his business, but a nice man indeed. Sure he had a lot of debtors, who were looking to kill him, but a nice man indeed.

Me: Aham!

Shakespeare: Aham?

Me: Aham.

Shakespeare: Aham?

Me: Ok lets move on to the next question. So you were third son after two sisters and the first son of your father, and three of your sisters died in fancy. You were the youngest. Your father had deep sympathies for catholic and he could have been arrested anytime, by Queen of England, for high treason –

Shakespeare: Not treason exactly, Elizabeth I of England was constantly under the impression that she might receive a dagger and her doubts lingered upon people of catholic faith, for Elizabeth I of England was excommunicated by the church from catholic faith. Hence my father was in danger for having devoutness to catholic faith which got him killed, but a nice man indeed. My dear lad, I ponder you are endeavoring to make this blog funny, why thou making it serious?

Me: Oh! I just wanted my readers to know that I have done good research on you…hahaha…So as you were born in such a time of chaos, how were you able to grasp such influence of becoming a play writer.

Shakespeare: I was amused by manners of actor, how they made surreal so real.

Me: Only actors or actresses also.

Shakespeare: Mostly actresses.

Me: Aham!

Shakespeare: Aham?

Me: Aham.

Shakespeare: Aham?

Me: Ok! Lets move on to the next question. Hmm…you got married to a woman who was almost eight years older than you; why?

Shakespeare: Love has no age, love goes by haps; some Cupid kills with arrows, some with traps, The course of true love never did run smooth. Love looks not with the eyes, but with the mind, And therefore is winged Cupid painted blind. Love sought is good, but given unsought is better. Love –“

Me: OK very good sir, but why did you marry her actually?

Shakespeare: Well, she was rich.

Me: Aham.

Shakespeare: Aham?

Me: Aham…

Shakespeare: Aham!

Me: Ok so lets move on to the next question, so sir, your wife was pregnant before marriage; so how did you do it?

Shakespeare: Hmm…Aham.

Me: Aham.

Shakespear: Aham

Me: Aham…Aham.

Shakespeare: Ok so lets move on to next –“

Me: Aham…you rock dude…Ok enough of the gibberish part. So after your marriage you vanished for seven years, then you arrived at London where you met Christopher Marlowe. Then one day Christopher Marlowe dies mysterious and a just then a famous figure rises whose name is Williams Shakespeare. Everybody knows the rest of your life…so lets just skip it and come to a serious part.

Shakespeare: What thou mean to convey?

Me: Well, I just what to know if Shakespeare was actually the man who killed Christopher Marlowe and stole all his work and then became the famous Shakespeare, I want to know if Shakespeare is the biggest lie ever told in the history of mankind and still that lie is enjoyed on every 24th April in Stratford-upon-avon

Shakespear: Hold it dude you are destroying your blog, don’t you want it to be funny.

Me: More then writing a funny blog I want to enlighten my readers to wonder about a fact that who actually was William Shakespeare, perhaps the most famous man of his time yet no one ever saw him much in public. There is not a single letter that he has ever written to anyone ever in his life, even his signatures are found in six different patterns; who was actually a Shakespeare? A lie, a fraud or a pseudonym for a group of people.

Shakespeare: Aham.

Me: Seriously that’s all you will say after to such criticism

Shakespeare: Hahaha…lad humans are amazing creatures, they want to strive but they want to relax, they want to laugh but only till it is not up to the limit of madness, they want answers only to get a little more question, so if doubt on my existence gives a little more meaning to someones life then Ameen.

Me: Well sir…it is hath been personable to communicating with you. You are exempt to go now.

Shakespeare: LOL thanks dude, you truly rock.